I awake, I find myself marooned, strewn, in the turbulence of a vast oceanic body. The hues are much bluer and darker as Im drawn deeper. Fighting water pressure of the battling currents and my given condition to be buoyant, I delve deeper. There is a flurry in the water. I dive deeper. I get a whiff, an ancient familiar smell. My course is littered with fragments. Little obstacles that brush against me as I pass by them. I examine them with my fingers. They are delicate, fragile and battered endlessly by time and tide. They are tattered the traces of my past. Good God! What are they doing here? They seem to be soiled by a greasy sanguine liquid like substance. Little bits and pieces of memorabilia are flying at me. I'm overwhelmed, thrown off course almost. The smell now triggers memories. Memories I've failed to process and analyse in detail in the past. I battle with my mind to remember, remember the exact time and period of the occurrence of these events. I keep racking my brain, but details are hard to come by. My windshield is fogged and repetitive wiping is only making it blurrier. The trail is thinning and resembling a tapering serpentine tail. I rummage and gather all the bits of my past in a frenzy, holding on pointlessly as I'm diving deeper. I must find some place to tuck them in. Im completely drenched. Whats the point of saving them. Archival! I must archive them. They must be looked at, studied.
I'm beginning to get frustrated. I reach a point where the bits and pieces that I hold on to no longer bring to mind memories. They are as good as blank. Or worse somebody else's. It's the feeling like violently flicking a poloroid picture waiting for the image to emerge. Waiting, still waiting. It feels like an eternity. The neurological signal in my mind which I didn't feel significant to mention owing to its low intensity is now beaming. It feels like a metallic needle possessed with insurgent electric charge is making its way winding and twisting into my neurological passages. This is now accompanied with alternating high and shrill frequencies. It only ceases when I resist calling upon the faculties of my mind. I must resist at all costs. But I cant stop now, the fragments are sizable now and even more crimson than before. I push the pain into the background and focus on my target below. I do it in the very same way I would throw away the rues of the world into a parallel sphere. Im completely aware of them but their existence is of no utter consequence to my survival. It is within this oblivious globe that I've lived all my years.
I've tampered too much with the modulator switch. It wont allow me to tune in to the frequency I'm comfortable with. Years of keeping them toned down are contributing to the impedence. It grows stronger,I dive deeper. I.. am losing the ability to converse with myself. I can no longer trust my mind. It is an able adversary. I battle a sinister, scheming mind. Able to conceive elaborate scenarios out of the mere thinness of air, more often than not turning out to be a devious ruse.I'm growing terribly suspicious. "Who would have thought? My mind? My trusted compatriot, my permanent log. Don't we consistently and often subconsciously confide with our minds.I begin to think that it wasn't a good idea. No one is to be trusted. No, not even one's mind. My brain is quaking and pulsating, growing to the size of a zeppelin. Stop! Stop! I must stop inflating it. I have to fight this buoyancy. I start kicking and screaming.
Below, in the depths, I see a a dark silhouette. Dancing to a ritualistic tune. Rhythmic beats,Inviting,feminine? ghoulish! A Siren cloaked with the pitch blackness of the deep im drawn into. Her hands are like extended batons, swinging wildly within the dark waters. She is the centre of attention,the star. Moonlight gleams on her as she conducts a whirlpool of an orcherstra. I rub my eyes, I cant see any clearer. I dive deeper. Only a few minutes now and I'll be there. Strange thing, my lungs feel as light as feathers coated with water resistant layer. My head is like a beacon now fighting the currents and trying to get me out of the water. The pain! the pain is incessant. Surprising,I feel numb. It is owing a sudden burst. There's copious release of a slow flowing liquid, it decends upon my head, cold like the feeling of first rains. The burst is deafening and there are wooden splinters all around. I have no cognizance of who I am now. I am dodging the fragments. They are much larger now. They are filled with a writing which now seems foreign to me. I bear no mind to them. I dive deeper. I see the mighty conductor and am pulled steadily to her. My brain can no longer take it.Tremendous pain. My skull gives! It cracks, and makes its way to the top as if it were some sort of a flare on its way to find help. It resembles a jellyfish making its way to the surface from the depths. "Farewell, you didn't serve me any reason to hold on to you anyway." Im only inches away from the conductor when it occurs to my that my pain has ceased. My word! Its stopped! Yet, I feel the need to unravel her enigma, to feel her touch. As if it would bring back to me my memories. That she possessed a kind of a mystery cure cannot be ruled out. All evidence suggests to that. If not,I may have led you to it myself. Then at last, my memories that would mean something to me. They wouldn't be random thoughts that I would have to synthesize, organize and make some sense out of them. I reach out. The music stops. Pitch black darkness. I'm on the the surface again, making my way down.
